


You make the unbearable, bearable.

by melbopo



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alec Lightwood Has Anxiety, Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Background Clary Fray/Isabelle Lightwood, Getting Together, High School Reunion, Hot boxing a car, Idiots in Love, Learning to Dance, M/M, Medicinal Drug Use, Not Beta Read, and talks about it, any and all mistakes are mine and im sorry, i'm making a revival yall, wow i forgot how to tag yall im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 08:53:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16594775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melbopo/pseuds/melbopo
Summary: The gymnasium of Alec's high school is one of the last places that he wants to be right now, especially if it's to attend a five year high school reunion that isn't even his class. He doesn't know most people from that year, he doesn't drink, and he definitely doesn't dance. It's a good thing he loves Isabelle.





	You make the unbearable, bearable.

**Author's Note:**

> [this old playlist was the original inspiration of this fic](https://open.spotify.com/user/melbopo/playlist/7eypE8iNeYpjRvhRoyWXs3?si=Kv912Gd3QnGGE8HCp_LiUA)

Alec unbuttons the sleeve of his button down so he can roll it up to his forearm, trying to mentally prepare himself for the stuffy air of his old high school gymnasium on this already unusually warm spring day. Walking through those big blue doors decorated with balloons and streamers brings back the uncomfortable feeling of being out of place that he always felt in high school, like his body was too big for him and the rollercoaster of emotions from the endless stream of an influx of hormones too overwhelming. It makes his skin crawl so he mentally runs through a list of places he rather be at this very moment; sorting through recyclables in the middle of summer at the trash exchange facility for Big Brothers and Big Sisters community event again makes the list.

When Alec agreed to accompany Isabelle to her five year high school reunion, he thought it’d be somewhere lowkey like the random bar in Manhattan proper like his was. In that scenario, he could’ve easily escape after ten minutes or so of awkward small talk if he had decided to even attend, but no. Isabelle’s class president was a hardcore nostalgic that figured five years out of high school was the perfect amount of time for everyone to be clamoring to be back.

A sentiment that Alec doesn’t share and he knows that Isabelle definitely doesn’t either. It’s actually the reason why Alec held up his promise even after he found out the event’s location. For while high school wasn’t a totally miserable experience for him, someone with enough athletic talent to be considered cool and an attractive enough face that no one made fun of him for his other academic and extracurricular activities. Isabelle wasn’t so lucky as someone that naively filled all the stereotypes of a science nerd, complete with thick framed glasses, untameable hair, and an endless closet of graphic tees. She focused heavily on her school work so she acted like she never heard the jokes whispered behind her back at her expense. Alec knows the truth though and can only imagine how hard being back here is for her.

Especially when Isabelle’s closest friend from growing up will also be in attendance. Isabelle started distancing herself from her best friend their senior year of high school after realizing that maybe those feelings were a little more than just platonic in nature...

“Isabelle?! You made it!”

Alec turns towards the sound of the voice, immediately recognizing the long wavy red hair of Clary Fray as she runs their way, surprisingly fast in heels and a simple long black dress.

Isabelle’s eyes go wide as Clary throws her arms around Isabelle in a big hug, but that surprise quickly melts to happy relief as Clary squeezes. She pulls back with pink cheeks and a sheepish smile, keeping her hands on Isabelle’s wrists. “Sorry if I made you uncomfortable by just going for the hug - I was worried you’d change your mind about coming last minute that I was so excited when I actually did see you!”

Isabelle blushes, “I promised you I’d come.”

Her voice is a little softer though with a teasing edge. It reminds Alec of the less confident Isabelle from high school that didn’t know how to sort out her attraction, body, and interests so she preferred to just be in the background, doing her own thing and out of the spotlight.

“But still, you don’t owe me anything. And it’s been five years… I just really wanted to see you.” Clary squeezes Isabelle’s arms and Alec feels like he is witnessing a private moment between them. He can hear the unheard confession in Clary’s words, _I missed you_.

Isabelle must hear them too for she looks to the ground, a happy smile tugging at her lips. “You know I always keep my promises.”

And now Alec _knows_ he is witnessing a private moment between them. With all of these emotional factors at play here for Isabelle, Alec wants to be the best, most supportive older brother he can but god, he wishes he followed his therapist’s advice and smoked on the car ride over just to dampen his own inner turmoil that is brewing with every breath taken in this building of old ghosts.

He’s here for Isabelle, he keeps reminding himself but the moment he has a chance to steal away, he is definitely going to smoke a bit of his latest medicinal supply before his anxiety causes him to vomit his dinner all over the shiny hardwood floor.

“I do.” Clary practically whispers back but all Alec can hear the metaphorical heart bubbles that are appearing around the two of them. It makes him feel a little less ill because he has a feeling that Clary might have some stored away emotional secrets of her own for Isabelle.

Clary steps back, gently letting go of Isabelle’s arms. Clary turns to him, finally seeing him despite the fact that he’s been there the whole time. He kinda gets it though. “Oh hey Alec!”

Clary’s comment seems to snap Isabelle out of her daze. Her smile brightens as she looks over at him too, “Yeah, Alec’s my date!” She immediately realizes how that sounds, so she quickly turns her head back to Clary to clarify, “Not in like a creepy incest way of course... but in like an ‘I didn’t know what to expect’ kinda way…”

Clary giggles, clearly understanding what Isabelle originally meant without the explanation. “I get it. I brought my own moral support too… He went to check out food situation. I may have told him there would be dinner which I think is inaccurate...”

“I’m pretty sure the invitation said hors d'oeuvres and a cash bar only, Clary.”

“Damn. Well it wasn’t clear to me”

“Glad to know that your inability to fully read directions hasn't changed.” Isabelle teases Clary effortlessly and Alec feels like he’s seeing a little glimpse into his little sister’s flirting technique.

“Other things about me have though.” Clary replies, voice missing teasing by miles and going straight into serious territory. Alec struggles to not roll his eyes at their antics when a new voice joins them now.

“Okay so my food findings are this: there is no full dinner which you lied to me about Ms. Clary Fray. There are delicious mini pork banh mi sliders but I’d avoid the raw salmon crostinis, they are on the flavorless side. Oh and you found Isabelle - hey!”

Out of all the people that Clary could have brought with her tonight, Magnus Bane is the one Alec is least emotionally prepared to see.

Magnus walks towards them now, grace and ease in every step, with one hand in his pocket and the other holding a half eaten mini sandwich. His silky maroon shirt is well fitted around muscular arms and wide shoulders, tucked into black skinny jeans that have gold detailing on the sides. His hair is messily quiffed to give the illusion that no time was spent on achieving his look but his immaculate makeup tells otherwise.

Alec always thought Magnus as one of the most attractive people, even in high school, but now that he’s fully come into his own, oozing confidence and looking like something out of a beautiful, beautiful fantasy. Alec somehow feels completely screwed and they haven’t even exchanged a single word.

“Hey Magnus! Wow, I love your eyeliner - does it sparkle?”

“It is! It’s Eclipse by Fenty Beauty and it’s my current favorite.” Magnus says with an over exaggerated wink, showing off the sparkle.

“And you remember Alec, right Magnus?” Clary asks.

Alec’s breath catches in his throat as his anxiety ticks up a notch higher at the idea that Magnus Bane, looking absolutely breathe taking even in shitty high school gymnasium fluorescent lighting, forgot about Alec over the past five years or more since they last spoke. Not that they were the bestest of friends but they were friends at least.

Oh, and Alec hasn’t forgotten about Magnus in the slightest.

“Of course, how I could I ever forget Alexander?” Alec blushes, feeling his anxiety quiet down a bit at hearing his full name from Magnus’s mouth in a warm and fond voice.

Mangus finishes the rest of his sandwich quickly, well aware of Clary eyeing it. She faux pouts at him, “I thought you brought that for me.”

Magnus pulls his face back as he snorts out a breath of air, “You know I don’t share my food.”

They all laugh as if collectively remembering Magnus’s love for good food.

“Why don’t we go check out the food table ourselves? And maybe even catch up about everything that’s happened in the past five years?” Isabelle offers with a small smile though she sounding much more like the confident nerdy queer that Alec knows she has grown to be.

Clary’s expression is a little awestruck, “I’d love that.”

They both turn towards the food station with matching warm smiles, Magnus and Alec completely forgotten in this new development. When Clary reaches for Isabelle’s hand half way through the dance floor, Alec finds that he doesn’t even mind one bit being left behind.

“Aren’t you two years too old for this reunion?” Magnus’s voice draws back Alec’s attention, matching mischievous eyes and smirk.

“Aren’t you four?” Alec retorts, pleased to see Magnus’s smirk widen in a happy grin at the fact that Alec really does remember him too.

“Well you remember Clary’s other nerdy best friend? Simon? He couldn’t make it last minute because of some _very important_ date, so I filled in. She was a little nervous to see Isabelle after all this time. I promised her that if things didn’t work out, at least she brought a great dance partner.”

Alec shakes his head slightly at Magnus’s boasting, “Izzy was pretty nervous too. She kept asking me if the fact that Clary has liked every one of Isabelle posts since becoming mutual instagram friends was a sign that Clary wanted to be friends.”

Magnus laughs, “Clary asked me if liking all Isabelle’s instagram posts was subtle enough attempt to rekindle their friendship or just creepy.”

Alec chuckles to himself, shaking his head in response at how ridiculous both of them are. Out of the corner of his eye, he watches Magnus scan the crowd, feeling a bit of relief at not being the only person that isn’t from this class year. And maybe a bit more ease that comes from a certain something that is entirely Magnus on his own. He’s always kinda had both a grounding and fluttering effect on Alec, an effect that he has long since stopped trying to wrap his head around.

“Since I’m out of a dance partner, would you be mine?” Magnus’s question brings Alec out of his thoughts.

“I don’t dance.”

Magnus raises a single judgemental eyebrow at that, his tone is light and teasing. “Don’t as in don't want to or don’t know how?”

Alec blushes against his will as thoughts of dancing closely together fill his mind. He glances to the ground and prays that Magnus doesn’t notice how the simple question makes something stir in Alec. His anxiety quickly changes those thoughts to images of him making a true fool of himself in front of Magnus, like stepping on his feet, tripping him, breaking a nose somehow. “Don’t know how…”

“Everyone knows how to dance, Alec.” Magnus’s eye roll remains playful with an encouraging smile, like this is really something he believes. It helps Alec fight back some of his anxiety to tease back.

“Not everyone was part of Glee club like you, Magnus.”

“Well as one of the only out queer kids in high school, I _had_ to fit the stereotypes because queer nerds weren’t really a trope yet _and_ our theatre program was nonexistent.”

Alec forgets that sometimes now that he knows so many people from high school that came out after graduation. Their high school was liberal but to a certain extent. While there wasn’t any outwardly homophobic people, it didn’t feel like a safe environment to come out for most people. Alec can’t even imagine the sort of pressure Magnus felt being one of a handful of out people, especially with all the negative stereotypes of being bisexual.

“Not all of us tried to defy stereotypes with being a jock and a nerd.”

It hits Alec right then and there that not everyone might know that he is one of those people, one of those that have since came out since leaving this hell hole far, far behind. He looks to his shoes like they hold all the answers, feeling his stomach turn as it does every time he is about to come out.

“Well I wasn’t ready to be an openly gay quarterback just yet.”

Magnus says nothing at first and Alec can’t stand the quiet that follows a reveal like that. He peeks out of the corner of his eye for some sort of hint about what Magnus is thinking. Magnus has a soft smile on his face, not looking surprised in the slightest actually. Almost like he’s known for a long time and he’s just been waiting for Alec to feel comfortable enough to share.

Magnus shrugs, “Coming out is a different, personal process for everyone. There’s no timeline nor right or wrong way to do it.”

Alec fully looks up now, his eyebrows move in as they take in Magnus’s relaxed face, looking for some sort of hidden meaning in those kind words. Magnus looks down now under Alec’s scrutiny, a slight blush can be seen in the now dimmed gymnasium light on Magnus’s cheeks. That soft pink has Alec’s mind whirling in a million different directions, “Yeah, you’re right.”

Magnus nods his head slowly before raising his gaze back to meet Alec’s straight on, “So how about we dance?”

“I don’t dance.”

Magnus’s face quickly morphs to one of disbelief. “C’mon, I’ll teach you! This is an easy song to dance to.”

Alec’s mind flashes again images of them being flush against each other. They cause him to hesitate just a bit, unsure where his own mind stands on _them_ nevermind where Magnus’s does.

The pause is all the encouragement Magnus needs. His grins playfully as he grabs Alec's hand, pulling him onto the dance floor. “God I love this song! Remember when it came out?”

Alec watches Magnus bob his head and hips to the beat while singing along to the lyrics of _Shout out to my ex_ by Little Mix. Alec is immediately taken back to Magnus's senior year of high school when his ex Camille broke his heart, ending their two year relationship over text message. Magnus used to say that the song was written for him, always dancing and singing along when it came on the radio.

“I swear this song was written for me.” Magnus says right on cue, making Alec laugh. “I was actually just playing it on loop the other week after my last partner and I broke up for the second and final time. It never fails to make me feel a little better.”

Alec doesn’t even get to dwell on that casual reveal of Magnus being single for he beckons Alec further onto the dance floor, singing and dancing the whole while. The attention and old memories spur Alec into moving his body in some semblance of dancing, rocking side to side to emulate Magnus's moves.

The moment Alec thinks he has the rhythm, the song transitions to Lady Gaga's _Dancin’ In Circles_ which is more country than pop so Alec feels lost again whereas Magnus doesn't even look like the change in tune impacted more than the words he's singing. He looks like he's serenading just Alec which makes his heart beat a tad faster so he continues awkward bobbing just to spend more time in the magnetism that is Magnus's attention.

And Alec knows he has never danced worse in his life but he’s so memorized by the way that Magnus moves on the floor - how confident he is with his goofy little shoulder movements and booty shakes. Alec even knows Magnus is holding back for him right now because Magnus can _definitely_ move his hips and chest. Alec remembers that from numerous high school Glee performances and Isabelle may have recently shown him one of Clary’s instagram videos that had Simon playing guitar with Magnus, oblivious to the filming, dancing in the background.

Alec keeps the movements of his extremities to a minimum, still not wanting to embarrass himself to the point of irreparable damage in front of Magnus.

Alec’s feeling too big for his body, like he can’t control his limbs the way he wants and it adds more weight to that already unsettling anxious feeling in the pit of his stomach. He dwells on the feeling a bit as Magnus twirls on his heels, trying to understand why the sight of an old familiar face would cause the weight to be heavier instead of lighter. After Magnus completes his spin, he shimmies his shoulders with a playful grin and the reality hits Alec all at once, catching him a little off guard. He still cares what Magnus thinks, that Alec’s little crush is perhaps just as little as it was all the way back in high school even though they haven't spoken in years since beyond the occasional Instagram comment and he never allowed himself to _really_ acknowledge his feelings.

Perhaps Alec has always cared. Or perhaps he wants Magnus to like him because even after seven years, Magnus has this vibrant energy that draws Alec right back in and relight something in him.

As _Cake by the Ocean_ by DNCE dies out, Magnus leads them off the dance floor. He grins back over his shoulder at Alec.”I think you need a drink or something to loosen up. You're pretty stiff right now... and not in the good way.”

Alec snorts softly at the silly joke, following Magnus towards the drink station in the back.

He continues on with a wink, “I’ll even pay - my treat.”

“No.” Alec says firmly, his tone accidentally sounding gruffer than he intended and startling them both as Magnus’s eyebrows pinch together. Alec fumbles to quickly explain himself. “I just mean... no thanks… I don’t really drink anymore.”

Understanding washes over Magnus's perplexed expression, his smile is easy as he replies. “Oh okay, I could get you a soda instead - still my treat of course.”

“Actually, I have a joint in my car.” Magnus’s soft, understanding eyes is really the only half formed justification Alec has for what he just blurted out. “Cause I have a medicinal marijuana license... and I was wondering if maybe you’d wanna smoke with me? Instead of a drink? Then we can try dancing again?”

Magnus pauses for a moment before the corner of his mouth slowly raises. He nods his head slowly, “Yeah that sounds even better.” Magnus starts walks again, towards the exit this time instead of the drink table. “I didn’t bring my license with me tonight, but I actually have one too. It helps with my depression.”

The way Magnus says that last sentence, quietly but with no hesitation, warms Alec, making him feel honored to be privy to such personal information about Magnus’s life. It helps loosen a bit of the weighted knot in Alec stomach, pushing him to share a bit of himself, show his own vulnerabilities.

“This way.” Alec instructs as he pushes the side door that leads out to the parking lot, holding the door open for Magnus to pass through as well. The cooler air feels refreshing on Alec’s warm skin, helping to ground him even more. He spots his car towards the back of the lot and heads for it. “I’m a little high strung on a good day… but especially when I’m feeling anxious. Weed helps quiet the panicked voices in my head.”

“You don’t owe me an explanation.”

Alec unlocks his door with key, pausing with his hand on the handle to look at Magnus’s face, to take in the openness and understanding there. Alec nods his head as he opens the door, gesturing with his head towards the passenger’s side. “I know - I wanted to share.”

Alec doesn’t know why he thought it’d be weird, sharing a joint with his old crush in his car while parked in front of their old high school, but it surprisingly isn’t. They mostly talk about when they first got their medical marijuana licenses, unusual times it has come in handy, and a couple of judgemental therapist stories that they both share.

The conversation isn’t entirely light but it is easy and by the time half of the joint is smoked, Alec feels way lighter, the knot in his stomach no longer holding him down. He feels good, he feel ready to go back into that room of old memories and by the big, warm smile that Magnus shares, so is he.

Alec takes one last pull on the joint before offering it to Magnus who chuckles as he shakes his head no so Alec puts it out on the ashtray in his center console. When he looks back up at Magnus, he’s still chuckling and his eyes are shining.

“What?” Alec asks, a matching grin already on his lips for Magnus’s joy truly is contagious or maybe that last drag was pushing him into giggly, high territory.

“Ditching a high school reunion to smoke a joint with the straight A quarterback superstar in the parking lot is pretty surreal.”

Magnus laughs even harder now that he’s said it out loud, making Alec’s grin grows wider. He knocks his elbow against Magnus’s, “Come on, that’s not true. We’re not ditching.” A sad noise escapes Magnus’s mouth as Alec opens his door up again, letting the warm, smokey air out and the cooler night air in. “You still gotta teach me some of your dance moves.”

Magnus laughs again as he too eases himself out of the car. “True and I am nothing if not a person of my word.”

There is weight in his words and Alec knows that Magnus truly means it. Alec knows it is important to him too too but he can’t pinpoint the reason exactly right now, deciding to file it away for another to over analyze when he’s much more sober.

After a quick stop at the drink station for water, they make their way to a corner of the room that isn’t terribly packed. Without wasting a single beat once on the dance floor, Magnus tries to give Alec some dancing pointers with a playful voice and a warm smile. Truth be told, Alec is purposefully fucking up at this point, pleased as a peach to just to watch Magnus laugh big and carefree at Alec’s miserable dancing antics. Magnus’s response make the butterflies in Alec’s stomach take flight every single time.

It actually makes Alec’s heart ache because Magnus has managed to become even more beautiful, inside and out, over the years and Alec _wants_ Magnus, wants him so bad that Alec can feel energy thrumming just below his fingertips to reach out, to feel connected, grounded in the moment.

It’s almost scary because he wants in a way he hasn’t really wanted anyone in years.

The smile on his face feels just feels right and the one on Magnus’s looks right and maybe they keep locking eye contact in a way that is not in the slightest bit casual. Alec can’t believe it either, that he’s here in this moment, dancing with Magnus as if seven years haven’t gone by since the last time their paths crossed.

Alec’s so caught up basking in Magnus’s presence that Alec completely disregards the fact that there are other people around them dancing, his world narrowed down to just the two of them. Magnus tries to to show Alec how to shimmy shake his shoulders which of course he blows way out of proportion, over dramatically twisting his hips back and forth with arms bent at the elbow. A loose elbow connects with someone’s back and hits them, hard.

The elbowed person whips their head around, expression going from annoyance to one of pure confusion, “Lightwood? Bane? Were either of you even in my grade?”

Alec can’t help but laugh in response, because it’s a valid question. And the answer is obviously, most definitely no. His laughter sharply cuts off when he feels hands on his hips, completely diverging his attention as well as steering him away from the scene of the attack and towards the outer edge of the dance floor.

Alec glances down at Magnus’s gentle grip and back up to a blushing face. Alec’s eyes flick to Magnus’s parted lips without a second thought, looking for any clue that he feels just as affected. At the glance, he quickly releases his hold on Alec., “Sorry I touched you without asking first.”

“Thanks, I get it though. I wouldn’t want us to be been kicked out for being at a reunion that’s not our own before you even got to see the true extent of my poor, occasionally hazardous, dancing skills.” Alec’s teasing comes easily now, floating on that little of something more that lingers in the air that he’s almost positive that Magnus feels too. “Unless of course, you’re done trying to teach me to dance. You ready to admit I’m a lost cause?”

“You could never be a lost cause.” Magnus’s words sound much more genuine than Alec expected for the light topic but he appreciates the reassurance just the same; it adds to the warmth inside his chest.

Magnus tilts his head to the side, gaze critical and yet playful. “I think I just need a different approach…”

He circles Alec as if to size him up. “You're always at least a half a beat too late with your movements as if you’re paying attention to to something that isn’t the music...”

Magnus looks both smug and playful when he finally completes his loop in front of Alec. Magnus’s words and expression hint at acknowledging the tension between them, making Alec feel a little more brave to ask for what he really wants. He knows Magnus is genuinely a talented dance and has been holding back his skills in an attempt to spare Alec’s ego. He much rather genuinely see that body in motion so he grins as he raises an eyebrow, “Show me.”

The playful challenge causes Magnus to grin, never one to shy away from his talents when the moment calls for it. Effortlessly, he starts swiveling his hips in the shape of a figure eight to Rihanna’s _Consideration_ like the beat was already internalized. He even begins to slowly turn in a circle, giving Alec a full 360 experience. Alec’s eyes can’t help but get a little distracted, admiring how great that move is at accenting Magnus’s amazing ass in those tight black pants. When Magnus has made a full circle, Alec’s slowly trails his eyes up Magnus’s body, bringing a confident smirk to his lips, from proving his earlier point and being fully aware of his effect on even the strongest of men.

Magnus nods his head to Alec in a ‘your turn’ manner which was not actually his goal believe it or not. He hoped to be able to witness the skill and beauty up close but didn’t really plan for what would come next. He figures he should keep them dancing so he can gaze at his crush in a semi socially acceptable manner which means he needs to put some amount of his own genuine effort in. So Alec tries. He genuinely attempts to move his hips as smoothly as Magnus just was but even with the weed smoothing his edges, Alec knows he is a little off and his movements jerky.

Magnus just stands still as he watches, little to no expression on his face, and it takes all of a minute for a hazy cloud of what feels like embarrassment to overcome Alec. He even begins to turn away like Magnus did in a poor attempt to hide flushed cheeks.

Suddenly a warmth breathe on Alec’s neck brings him back out the slight fog. “Can I help?”

Alec nods his head, feeling almost shy with his back to Magnus and knowing he’s close enough to feel his body heat. All of Alec’s embarrassment immediately evaporates when he feels hands on his hips again, coaxing his one hip forward and then the other as the chorus of a new song, _I Know_ by Big Sean and Jhene Aiko plays out of the speaker next to them.

“There you go.” Magnus’s gently murmurs into Alec’s ear.

The praise at Alec finally finding the rhythm helps him relax fully, his upper back unintentionally grazing Magnus. Alec doesn’t want to crowd Magnus, unsure if such close proximity is warranted in the off chance that the tension and small smiles they’ve shared all night were mostly in Alec’s mind. He immediately stiffens, recoiling forward and out of the warmth he could feel from Magnus’s broad chest.

The quick bit of contact and sudden movement doesn’t go amiss by Magnus either. He huffs a small chuckle before gently encouraging Alec back to be flush against his front again, giving him plenty of time to pull away if he wants to.

He doesn’t want to in the slightest.

The full contact allows Alec to really feel Magnus’s fluid movements and it feels like floating. Alec puts his hands over Magnus’s for grounding. They dance like that for the rest of the song, nothing really wild, just nice and slow _and close_.

As _Party Favors_ by Tinashe starts up, Alec takes a deep breathe in as he turns around on his toes to face Magnus while still remaining in his arms. Alec hands braces himself on Magnus’s outer upper arms and he returns his hands to Alec’s hips; their bodies aligning without hesitation to accommodate each other.

Alec takes in Magnus’s heavy lidded, watchful eyes that trace Alec’s hands all the way to his face. Magnus’s expression is something fierce and almost hungry, a look that Alec’s seen once before. The memory suddenly comes rushing back to him, startling him away from Magnus’s direct gaze and down towards his red, shiny lips. It’s a memory tied to a secret that Alec hid away from everyone for years, preferring to only ponder on it in the quiet, solitude of his room. Now that it has rushed to the surface, he finally feels ready to share it.

His voice is barely above a whisper but he watches Magnus’s chin tilt away, bringing his ear closer to Alec’s mouth to hear better. “Do you remember when you came with Clary to my high school graduation party?”

Magnus’s thumbs rub circles into Alec’s hip, humming an affirmative response. “Remember how drunk we got playing that weird combo of Kings and truth and dare?”

“Of course - I learned it at college and wanted to teach it to you all.”

“And you got the dare to make out with the person you found the most attractive in the room?”

Magnus hums his response again. “Then you said ‘come here pretty boy’ and Jace was so upset that you didn’t mean him?” Magnus snorts out a small laugh at that comment while nodding his head upside and down. Alec barrels through, realizing it's now or never with finally sharing this story.

“And do you remember kissing me?” Alec asks, voice uncertain but still braving a glance up to look back into Magnus’s eyes.

Alec isn’t sure exactly what he is expecting or even hoping for in Magnus’s expression. But Alec is aware now that he needs to know Magnus’s reaction, to know if it was maybe something real or just a drunk fantasy.

Magnus responds easily without even a pause, “Absolutely - I grabbed your shirt to pull you in close but then I was afraid when we started to kiss that we’d lose our balance and end up getting hurt from falling or something.”

Hearing Magnus reaffirm that he too remembers that moment makes the last part of Alec’s confession rush out of him in one quiet breath. “I’ve thought about that kiss a lot over the past seven years.”

“You have? Oh. Probably because it was pretty sloppy.” Magnus tosses his head back with a miserable groan, managing to make the gesture look attractive for it accents his adam’s apple. Even with minimal lighting in their corner of the gymnasium, Alec can see the red tint on the top of Magnus’s cheeks. His thumbs don’t pause in their movements on Alec’s hips.

Magnus brings his chin back down and catches Alec’s gaze with a shy smile. “Definitely not my best work kissing wise… I was way too eager so I didn’t even wait until I was fully over your lips before I tried to french you.”

Alec chuckles, remembering the slightly too wet kiss well. Whatever embarrassment Alec feels about sharing his secret, it seems that Magnus feels a little bit as well about that night. It feels like they are on the same level with that night being a memory for both of them.

Alec knows that the joint has fully kicked in by now, his anxiety being a much quieter gentle hum in the back of his mind, but he likes to believe that even without it, he’d feel comfortable enough to talk about this with Magnus. It helps ground Alec in this moment, edging him forward and forward with bravery.

He smiles down at the little space between them before looking back up. “Yeah maybe… Or maybe it was because it was the first time I had ever been kissed and really felt something.” Magnus’s bottom lip drops slightly and Alec barrels on. “It made me realize that maybe the girls I was kissing weren’t bad kissers... but maybe it was the fact that they were girls.”

“Really?” Magnus’s voice isn’t even teasing like Alec feared but rather light, as if filled with awe and disbelief. “Our sloppy kiss was a sexual awakening?”

“Yeah…” Now it’s Alec’s turn to blush. “Or maybe it was the fact that it was you.”

The smile that blooms across Magnus’s face is worth every ounce of bravery it took Alec to get to this moment. Magnus smile is bright, wide, and so so happy, enticing a smile from Alec too.

“Alexander, you are still the softest person I have ever met. I thought that kiss would be my only opportunity to finally get passed my crush on you but when I saw you tonight, I realized that I never really did get over you.”

Alec’s smile grows now at Magnus’s own sappy confession. “I’ve had a crush on you for the past seven years and maybe more. I probably had a crush on you in high school before we even kissed if I’d let myself be open to it.”

They smile at each other with wide, happy grins now that the truth about their crushes on each other are out in the open between them. Alec can feel his cheeks ache slightly from all the grinning he’s been doing tonight but he doesn’t mind, he doesn’t want to ruin this fragile, warm thing growing between them.

Magnus’s eyes glance down to Alec’s lips, “I wonder if a less messy kiss that night would’ve changed anything…”

“Maybe… But maybe one could also change something now.”

Magnus looks under his lashes at Alec, smiling becoming smaller and more fond. Magnus leans his head forward, his lips close enough to Alec’s that he can feel the warm breathe from Magnus’s words as he whispers, “Let’s find out.”

“Let’s.” Alec agrees before tilting his head to the side as he closes the rest of the distance, sealing his lips over Magnus’s.

The kiss isn’t earth shattering, fireworks don’t go off nor does confetti fall from the sky like some might expect after dreaming of a kiss for seven years. Their noses bump and Alec’s lips are a little dry from smoking but when Magnus grins into the kiss making his goatee scrape on Alec’s chin, he feels that same rush of warmth, fondness, and _excitement_ flood his brain. Perhaps something similar is going on in Magnus for he puts a little more pressure, deepening the kiss. Alec grips strong biceps harder as he returns the kiss with just as much fervor. The warmth in his body growing with every passing moment they kiss.

Alec is the first to pull away, feeling like he could get carried away so easily in their stuffy, old gymnasium with Magnus’s soft lips and steady hold. Butterflies take flight in Alec’s stomach as Magnus’s beautiful eyes slowly flutter open, catching light on their glitter.

“Definitely feeling changed now… though I might need a few more tests just to be sure.” Alec means it too, his crush now full bloomed into an affectionate beast of its own nature.

“I would love that. Maybe after we get a real dinner?” Magnus counters, expression is open and a smile still on his lips and Alec feels so lucky that he’s almost giddy.

He teases, “You want to eat dinner after 10 pm?”

Magnus is unphased in the slightest, the corners of his lips are still turned up with a grin as he shrugs. “Or dessert.”

Alec knows that he would do just about anything to extend the night in Magnus’s presence, especially with the promise of more kisses on the horizon. “Dessert sounds perfect.”

“Then it’s a date.”

It’s a simple word really but it carries so much weight and promise: _date_ . Alec wants this to keep going, _them_ to keep going but he doesn’t want to sound too desperate, wants to make sure that Magnus truly is on the same page. It sounds like they both are though, something that is almost unfathomable to Alec. He knows they’ll have to talk about it more, a potential _them_ more on their _date_ but the fact that that simple word is even in association with the two of them makes Alec so pleased. It sounds right to him. It feels right to him.

In high school, Alec could always picture a future with Magnus in it but not wasn’t sure exactly sure how or in what capacity.

Now, Alec has a much clearer vision of his future and just how Magnus could fit in it.

“Yes, a date.” Alec agrees, not even bothering to dampen the joy that overflows into his words. He leans forward to quickly kiss Magnus again, sealing the promise of _more_ , of a future together, with their lips.

**Author's Note:**

> HI HELLO WELCOME BACK TO MY WRITING!!! God it's been months since I last wrote something (like over 6 months...) and I decided last minute that I wanted to do Nanowrimo, that I wanted to finish some of my WIPs, but most importantly, I want to finish Shadowhunters 99 before the final season of Shadowhunters airs.
> 
> So here I am! Finally finishing a year old WIP to warm myself up and get back into writing, hope you all enjoyed this fun little fic!!! Any and all support is greatly appreciated as I struggle to regain my writing voice - please know that I'm cheering on every single other writer out there so so damn hard! Love you!


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